His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
