she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
