someone get that fucking seahorse.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
