you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
