That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
