i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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