First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize