The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
