I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
