YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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