i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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