Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
