she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
