I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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