C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
