Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
