My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
