She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drunk is not a location!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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