I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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