made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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