she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
