I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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