I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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