I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
