So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize