Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
