I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
