i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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