One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm always down for nudity.
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