in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
