I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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