Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
