That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize