youre lurking in front of me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
