dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
