i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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