connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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