If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
