Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
