haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
