I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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