allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
