Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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