she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
