We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
