I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
