do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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