Are we in a gay sports bar?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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