I intend to get homeless drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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