he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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