i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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