Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
