I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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