It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
