btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
