so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
