I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
