my soul wont recognize me after tonight
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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