I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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