It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
