i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
