he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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