carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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