you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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