I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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