Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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