No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
