Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
