Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
