You can't motorboat a personality
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
