I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
50% drunk capacity currently
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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