insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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